Issue Number 56
(November 2000)

Writing test (humour)

Following a discussion (on one of my professional lists) about pre-employment testing, which started off focused on writing tests and then mutated when someone raved on (again) about drug testing, someone posted the following Official Combined Drug-Writing Test.

Answer all questions fully. Be sure to wash your hands after taking this test.

Multiple Choice:

What is wrong with the following sentences?

1. After work, Robert walk along the street looking to score a hit.
1. Subject and verb do not agree
2. Use of slang / non-standard English
3. It is safest to buy from a known dealer
4. Robert should buy his "stuff" at lunch
2. My boss sayed that I am out sick too often.
1. Incorrect spelling
2. Incorrect boss
3. Incorrect job
4. Dude, it's just twice a week!
3. She bought zip, snort, and weed, and it came in a bag.
1. Unclear pronoun reference
2. Incorrect punctuation
3. Zip comes in sheets, you moron!
4. You should never mix drugs
4. Look closely at your monitor. What is your best guess as to your monitor's resolution
1. 640x480
2. 800x600
3. 1024x768
4. Whoa, dude!! My monitor, it's like... it's breathing!

Essay Section:

Write a multi-step procedure for snorting cocaine. Assume your audience is novice drug users. Be sure to include supporting graphics where appropriate.

Choose any recreational drug, and explain how it could effect your work. Would this substance increase or decrease your productivity? Why?