ALBUQUERQUE

Genuinely incredulous, and hospitable to boot, Charlie Brown had asked
me "What are you going to Albuquerque for?" Well, as I explained to him
then, it is a tradition that any Australian who happens to be in the country
at the relevant time has to attend Bubonicon, And the DUFF winner, of
course, has an obligation to spread herself around and not roost in San
Francisco indefinitely.
I flew Continental. The air hostess doing the safety drill had an
impenetrable Southern accent, but the pantomime was exactly the same
as at home (though none of the apparently blase passengers were paying
the slightest attention), Prior to takeoff I had a most interesting conversation
with one of the net-fangled male flight attendants. He was telling me
what a good idea it was that the airlines were now obliged to hire men
for this job. It was a fact, he informed me proudly, that in his company's
last four crashes the girls had stood aside while the men opened the
emergency exits...
I failed to get a window seat (this was occupied by an 81 year-old
grannie from New York), but I managed to see a bit of the Grand Canyon
over the wing of the plane. On the other side of me was an architecture
student, who knew we had a building in Australia made of shells. Eventually
I worked out that this was the Sydney Opera House. He wanted to know
if there were any jobs in Australia; this seemed to be a favourite question,
once I had convinced people that I really did not come from England. The
other most popular question was "Do you still have censorship?", this from
the better-informed people, very few of whom in any case had ever heard
of Melbourne unless they had visited on R&R at some time. I trotted out
my collection of colourful Aussie banknotes to amuse my travelling
companions. The architecture student looked hard at the $1 bill. "And who
is this lady?"
"That," I said, "is the Queen."
"Oh, you have kings and queens down there?"
"No, no. It's like Canada, That is the Queen of England."
It was no good - as I was to discover, the average American doesn't
know anything about Canada either...
On arrival at Albuquerque's not-so-modern airport a porter lifted
me down the last four steps and pushed me in the back way, He informed
me of the existence of the hotel courtesy-bus, and eventually made some
sort of local history by declining a tip (it had been "interesting talking
to me"). The driver of the courtesy-bus, when I rather stupidly asked if
I was supposed to tip hi, replied that it was up to me, so I gave him 50c.
I never did get used to tipping – after a while I concluded that you tipped
all porters and waitresses, but I never really worked out how much was
the correct amount. The rationale, I was told, was that these people were
paid inadequate wages, with no penalty rates, on the assumption that they
would make up the difference in tips. This did not seem to promote the
dignity of labour; portering, however, does not seem to be regarded by
some people as degnified work anyway – not once after I left Hawaii did
I see a Caucasian working as an hotel or airport porter.
The Ramadan Inn accommodated me in a room with a huge bathroom
and handrails. The public loos also had a suitably altered cubicle which
was very elean since nobody else was ever game to use it (no lock on

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