BYE, BYE BACHELOR

Our story, or rather the story of Norman's wedding, opens after another entitled, "What Happened To The Four Boys Who Stayed Overnight At The Recently Acquired Domicile Of Norman Masters On The Night Before His Wedding?" Of course the title could be shortened, but it loses something. That's a story for another time, eh, Rodney? [cf the footnote -- nem]

After having a bachelor "breakfast", we had the real McCoy at Norm's parents' home -- Mrs. Masters'-style. While Norm talked to his father, the plot sickened. Tom, his brother, and I laid the groundwork for the evening's entertainment, unscheduled, yet.

To make a short story out of a novel, I'll get straight to the wedding. Suffice it to say that Norm & I spent the afternoon sleeping, then waxing his car.

The next important event was Tom's talk with his parents. Mr. Masters guaranteed us five minutes in which to get Kathy, the Mrs. NEM-to-be, out of the car; Mrs. Masters furnished us with a duplicate set of keys.

At the wedding, I was an usher and Tom was best man. Refreshments came next. We let the other usher in on the plan, but he wasn't around for the climax, so we had to revamp a certain role, mine.

After the gifts were opened, the fun began in earnest! I looked around; Tom was nowhere in sight, as wasn't my fellow usher. Mr. Masters had started to talk with Norm, so I went up to Kathy. It took 3 of my five minutes to convince her to come; but come she did.

She wanted to get her purse first and was just starting for it when her mother cried, "There they go!" Believe it or not Mrs. Bradford was on our side. One of Norman's cousins had told him that we were going to play a trick on him and he was on his way after us.

He was at the bottom of the stairs when we reached the top. Wouldn't you just know that the door opened inward? Kathy got through, then I shut it and played rearguard. Kathy got to the kidnap car then Tom and Kathy managed to get into their car before Norm got through.

Tom was waiting for me, but I told him to take off, we didn't have time for me to get into the car. Norm landed on the back as Tom started off. We had waxed the back very carefully that afternoon. I pulled Norm off and Tom got out of there.

After a twenty-minute wait, Norm and I drove to his house, where Tom & Kathy were supposed to go. He didn't.

Five minutes after Norm and I left, he came back to the church.

After another series of misadventures, we met again and Norm and Kathy were re-united.

One of these days I'm going to set the whole thing down on paper, but I have a feeling it'll be a little too big for the Unknown.

[pp. 19 - 20, THE UNKNOWN (UX?) #2, Summer 1965]

[11.May.2001 -- Joheme never *did* tell that entire story -- but *Monsters* did! -- near what would've been our 25th wedding anniversary -- *if* Kath had stayed married to me. "The Untold Story Of Rodney's Underwear" and "What A Wedding!" will be put in the NO-EYED MONSTER #22 (unpublished) Momentos & Oddments Collection. ~~norm monsters]

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