Each issue, Doctor Plokta will solve your superfluous technological problems. Email them to drplokta@vraidex.demon.co.uk. If you don't have email, your technology is clearly insufficiently superfluous for Doctor Plokta to help.

Dear Dr Plokta, I'm engaged to a wonderful man; we're planning to be married soon. However, I have a problem I hope you can help me with. My beloved has two desktop computers and a laptop on a local area network, another two in the attic, a couple of handhelds, several scanners and one, well, um, three modems. He stays up all night playing Civilisation II and programming. How can I get him to spend more time in bed?

g**l**@vr**d*x.demon.co.uk

Doctor Plokta replies: Dear G, I recommend that you give serious thought to upgrading the computers to Pentiums and extending the LAN into the bedroom.

Dear Dr Plokta, I am distraught. My wife has left me. This would come as a blessed relief, except that she demands custody of the email address. I have heard the courts usually award custody to the wife. What should I do?

m*k*@m**s*.demon.co.uk

Doctor Plokta replies: Dear M, Have no fear. I understand your wife has been using another email address on the side. If you explain this to the court, citing f*ggl*s.demon.co.uk as co-respondent, I am sure they will grant you full custody.

Yours, drplokta@fuggles.demon.co.uk

Dear Doctor Plokta, I am a 7 week old foetus. I already have my own email address. Is this normal? Also, I am worried about the effects of VDUs on pregnant women, not to mention strobe effects on pinball machines.

pod@f*ggl*s.demon.co.uk

Doctor Plokta replies: Dear Pod, Panic ye not. Ask your mother to have a drink. You're never too young for superfluous technology. Some day you'll look back on this, and both your heads will laugh.

Dear Doctor Plokta, I have a manual typewriter, no email address and no access to the Internet. I see no need for such superfluous technology, as I have lots of friends and there are so many other interesting things to do.

Sue.Mason@Altrincham.Cheshire.co.uk

Doctor Plokta replies: Dear Sue, Get a life.

[September 1997: Doctor Plokta adds a historical note. Sue Mason is now on her second computer, a laptop, and is planning an Internet connection any day now.]