Some of you seem to have been having trouble keeping track of who's who in the Plokta cabal, and blaming the wrong people. Tear out this handy guide and keep it by your TV set copy of Plokta.

Alison Scott -- Short, round and allegedly zaftig. Works for the government (trainee satsuma). Very good at getting her own way, usually loudly. Currently 7 months pregnant with Steven Cain's Pod. Likes beer and pinball.

Steve Davies -- Bearded computer consultant with a thing about mice. Meek, inoffensive and tries to avoid offending people whenever possible -- but gets continually over-ruled. About to get married to Giulia (in Australia, in January). Long suffering.

Mike Scott -- Skinny, unbeardable, IT manager. Used to be married to Alison up until a week ago but he got better. Knows about boring things like chronology. Also writes things in Plokta that are too scandalous to go in his own fanzine, Zorn. Was our fanzine reviewer.

Sue Mason -- Large, busty woman with a thing about small skinny elves. Looks as if she just walked off the stage at a Victorian music hall. Fan-artist with a congenital inability to resist a challenge. Interested in sex, beer, cats, corsetry, Shadowrun and canal-boats, often all at once.

Giulia de Cesare -- Italian-Australian who got side-tracked while on a round the world trip. Been living with Steve Davies for 7 years and has finally persuaded him they should get married for the sake of her parents. Interested in costuming, spoiling the cat and hitting Steve over the head (ouch!) cuddling both Steve and George to their mutual embarassment.

Steven Cain -- Balding, bearded accountant with an interest in Alison. Currently fighting a late-night Web habit of unwarrantable (think George) size and expense. [September 1997: Losing the fight.] Hoping to finally get some sleep and save some money once the baby arrives. Ho ho ho. [September 1997: Ho ho ho.]

Pod -- Potential brat referred to above.

Bet it gets stuck for ages on 99% complete...

George -- Immense black cat who lives with Steve & Giulia. Is fed exclusively on a diet of chicken, choice cuts and double cream (mainly by the neighbours who haven't cottoned on to the fact that George has at least three homes).