Dr. Plokta's Justice League of Fandom

Recent discussions on the internet suggested that Plokta should publish informative articles of smoffish derring-do from ages past. Unfortunately, we weren't able to make any up in time, so instead we present:

Dr D -- From his secret fortress of solitude in Keighley, Dr D flies out to give battle, performing great feats of valour (especially against people who cheat at dominoes). Able to spit vitriol for hundreds of miles, he was once responsible for nearly destroying the planet in his war with The Evil Bergeron (see Stunning TAFF Stories issues 9-14).

Memory Man -- From his hidey-hole in the wilds of west Wales, Memory Man engages in his single-handed crusade against damp garages, woodworm and people worms who trade in old fanzines for profit. Rescues innocent fanzines from a fate worse than mildew and redistributes them to the needy. Is never seen in the same place as Foot-in-Mouth Man. Funny, that. (see Tales From The Net issue 5a4b9g$5b2).

Electrical Testing Boy -- Faster than a speeding EU directive on the importation of medium-sized paper-clips, stronger than type PV14A contact adhesive, able to bore whole galaxies to death with a single 500-word sentence. ET boy gained his super-powers after having several miles of red tape stuffed down his throat, and now battles lawbreakers everywhere (specialising in Sections 1006 to 2354 of the EU code on stopping people from enjoying themselves) in the cause of truth, bureaucracy and the Disability Discrimination Act (see Great Stories of Scheveningen issue 996b, subsection 114, para 8).

The Bitch Demon -- With an evil cackle she dives down upon tatty second-hand goods and auctions them, relentlessly separating poor fans from their hard-earned shekels. Famed for her subtle dress sense which can stun super-villains from a hundred yards away.

TaffGirl -- Able to destroy reputations with a single frosty glare and fill any space with smoke in seconds, TaffGirl holds the secret of an ancient hoard giving her the power to warp men's minds and even space itself. Or perhaps she spent it. (See Tafflon Tudor issues 1-5).

The Bow-Tie -- Revered for his supernatural negotiating skills and ability to program 19 simultaneous talking heads panels, the Bow-Tie looks after the Justice League's headquarters hidden away below a normal office in Cambridge, Mass. (See Fantastic Business Meeting Minutes issues 10,234-12,615 and Roberts' Rules of Order, Newly Revised).

Ga-Ri -- Older than time itself, ancient hero Ga-Ri once flew the skies of bygone Fandom, battling against evildoers and watching over the timeless traditions. His mobility now restricted by his zimmer frame, Ga-Ri fights against advertisers on the internet and watches over toast. (see The Legion of Oldpharts Quarterly issue 1 hitting the newstands RSN).

The Tartan Thunderbolt -- By day, our mild-mannered hero sells sand to unsuspecting Bedouin, but at night he turns into the tartan-clad avenger and wreaks his wrath on the burghers of Glasgow. Using his amazing super-headbutt powers, his cry "Yu'wa Jimmie!" strikes fear into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. (see Amazing Intersection Anecdotes issues 21-104 and Secret Worldcon Wars issues 46-49 cross-over).

Ozymandingworth the Fairly Omniscient Conrunner -- Secret master of fandom: the one true progenitor of Intersection. Famed for bringing an ancient codex of American conrunning techniques to the UK and following it slavishly. Look on my works ye mighty and despair.

Sorensonic the Hedgehog -- Superpowers include the ability to stun an audience using only an extemporaneous rock opera, and... er... that's it. This prickly inhabitant of Segaspace was written into the league as the boyfriend of the more famous Scottish Siren, and is expected to be written out following her departure to join a group with better dress-sense (The Spice Girls).

The Magician -- The Magician's power is believed to be that if he ever utters a joke it will be so funny that everyone within a five mile radius will die laughing. Fortunately, this has never yet been tested. Can also do balloon animals and is available for weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs.

The Lump -- Changed forever after accidentally drinking a gallon of radioactive chocolate liqueur, the Lump tends to stay at home a lot these days instead of battling evildoers. Superpowers include power to make the Plokta cabal fetch and carry for her (See Plokta issues 1-5).