(The biggest hit of the Chicago Convention was a rendition by Anthony Boucher of his inspired Gilbert & Sullivan parody. "Model of a Modern S-F Editor" which Ed is more than pleased to present here. The full text appears on the following page. DF)

The Modern S-F Editor


I am the very model of a modern s f editor
My publisher is happy, as is each and every creditor.
I know the market trends and how to please the newsstand purchaser;
With agents and name authors my relations can't be courteouser.
I've a clever knack of finding out what newsmen want to write about.
And seeing that their stories spread my name in black and white about.
I've a colleague to be blamed for the unpleasant sides of bossery,
And I know the masses never quite get tired of flying saucery.
In short in matters monetary, social and promotional,
I am the very model of a pro s f devotional.

I've a pretty taste in literature and know the trends historical
From Plato down to Bradbury in order categorical.
I can tell a warp in space from one that's purely in chronology,
And every BEM I publish has his own strange teratology.
I make my writers stress the small scale human problems solely
Because the sales are better and you might be picked by Foley.
I can stump the highbrow critics with allusions to Caractacus --
A ploy that I've perfected by a platitude of practious.
In short in matters cultural, esthetical and liter'y
I run the very model of a true s f outfittery.

Now if I had a smattering of knowledge scientifical,
If I were certain "terrene" didn't simply mean terrifical,
If I could tell a proton from a neutron or a neuron,
How your weight on Mars will vary from the planet that now you're on,
If I knew enough to know why Velikovsky is nonsensic
And why too close a Shaver can make even hardened fen sick,
If I'd read what men have learned from other planets' spectranalysis,
In short, if I could tell the future Wonderland from Alice's,
I might in logic, insight and inspired extrapolation
Produce the very model of ideal s f creation.


Data entry and page scans provided by Judy Bemis

Data entry by Judy Bemis

Updated November 8, 2007. If you have a comment about these web pages please send a note to the Fanac Webmaster. Thank you.