Blasphemy and Artwork by
Dante di Stefano
Christianity is built upon the belief
that there will be a joyous SECOND
COMING! They say that all mankind
awaits the return of GOD'S ONLY SON!
Well, DEAR FRIENDS, I have some
GOOD NEWS and some BAD NEWS.
The GOOD NEWS is that the wait is finally
over! YES! HE HAS RETURNED! HALLELUJAH!
The BAD NEWS is that HE has chosen
the lobby of the Buttown Marriot Twin;
home of this year's BUTTCON V, as
the site of HIS truly miraculous reappearance!
(illo: "REJOICE! I have risen!"
"Uh-HELLO?"
"Live Long and WHAT?"
"May WHO be with me?")
The people HE encountered at BUTTCON
were warm and friendly. They accepted HIM
into their social gatherings and it seemed that
HIS teachings had survived the ages, though
at times, HE wasn't sure if they remembered HIM!
(illo: "Would you like a backrub?"
"Say, isn't that Bob Lichtman?")
JESUS tried taking a few worthy individuals
aside to reveal HIS true self and to offer them
total absolution.
(illo: "It is my Sacred Stigmata!"
"WOO! You Phil Dick fans are
just too dam'd weird for me ...")
But, despite HIS best efforts, JESUS' attempts
to convince the new friends HE'D made of HIS
true identity always seemed to end in confusion.
(illo: "I am the Blood of the Lamb!"
"Hmmm! You may call me Doctor
Lector!"
Taking a different course of action, THE SON
OF GOD then chose to appear to the masses
gathered at sonething they called THE
MASQUERADE. Sadly, no one noticed
him - tho' he did win an award for best
presentation.
(illo: "Good lighting effects, but his
costume lacks verve!")
However, while accepting HIS award,
JESUS finally got an opportunity to speak
to the crowd and delivered an abridged
version of HIS famous SERMON ON
THE MOUNT, during which, unfortunately,
the pa system malfunctioned.
(illo: "DAMN! I was sure you said
'The BEAK will inherit the earth!'")
Later, after trying to watch a STAR TREK
blooper reel, JESUS decided to combine
the best of all worlds and host a room party
where HE might finally be able to discuss
the good word.
(illo: "Yeah, the Bible's okay, I
guess; but I prefer Tolkein!"
"Hey Jeez. We're out of wine again!")
Though the party didn't live up to the KING
OF KING'S expectations, it did seem to please
all who had congregated there and JESUS
made many more new friends and even managed
to hold a communion, of sorts.
(illo: "MAAN, you shoulda been at
Jesus' room party last night! He fed
over two hundred fans with nothin'
more than a tuna fish sandwich and
a prayer!")
Despite all of the good will JESUS encountered
HE still occasionally felt the evil presence of THE
DARK ONE!
(illo: fan in viking helmet demon tail
and t-shirt "L Ron Was Right" "What
do you mean, GET BEHIND YOU?
I was here first, you stinkin' hippee!")
But generaly, HE found the BUTTCON attendees
to be of good will and open to HIS philosophies
and willing to offer some of their own.
(illo: JESUS reading "The Enchanted Duplicator")
But, in the end, JESUS realized that the time
was not yet ripe for HIS return. Many had
welcomed HIM this weekend, but there had
been no converts! OR HAD THERE?
(illo: JESUS the fan)
Data entry by Judy Bemis
Hard copy provided by Geri Sullivan
Data entry by Judy Bemis
Updated November 20, 2002. If you have a comment about these web pages please send a note to the Fanac Webmaster. Thank you.